To boldly go where no man has gone before

Use the pot, Luke…(yeah so I got my Trek and my Wars mixed up. So sue me)

Potty training: The final frontier. The last voyage my son must make to go from baby to boy. He knows how, he knows when, he knows why. And yet still he pees on my sofa. I know it’s supposed to be a process and they do it when they’re ready but dear Lord HOW LONG must it go on for before he gets it?!

It just seems to be taking waaaay too long. The potty has been in use since September but only when he feels like it. I am tired of inventing different ways to get him to sit and he never seems to remember to go on his own, so I am tired of cleaning up after him too. I’ve tried books, star charts, incentives, and ignoring the whole process, but to no avail. He goes on it when he wants, and when he doesn’t, he goes where he stands. I fear the poor boy has poo confusion now, that I’ve made some terrible cock up of the whole process, and he will still be in a diaper when he’s 20.

I am in daily conference with God to fix it, fast – as in ‘oh for the love of God, please use the potty’, rather than actual prayer, which would be a little inappropriate (‘Dear God please stop my son peeing on my furniture, amen’) I know he’s a boy and boys take longer than girls, but seriously, I’m done. I hit the wall. Will someone please just make it so my son sh*ts in the pan?